HUNGER STRIKE NOT RULED OUT FORMER PRESIDENT SAID TO BE TALKING TO LONG KESH VETERANS AND LEARNING GAELIC SAID TO BE HAVING SPECIAL CASHMERE BLANKET MADE BY OUR IRELAND CORRESPONDENTS A KEY DONOR to Donald Trump’s Presidential campaign says that if the former President is jailed, he will be a political prisoner. Danny Storm, who…

FROM OUR ENTERTAINMENT DESK THE KOOKABURRA BUGLE has obtained a copy of what is described as a “Preliminary Treatment” of a script for a proposed epic movie about US Presidential Candidate Donald Trump. The movie’s working title is “The Passion of the Donald”. The treatment is a summary of key moments in the former President’s…

RAMALLAH, PALESTINE A PORTION OF what has been described as a minute of a recent Irish Government meeting has been leaked. It’s not clear who is speaking, if it’s one voice or many. It appears to have been scribbled on the back of a Falafel menu: “… exciting times, ladies and gentlemen, and those who…

MIGRANTS WILL HAVE TO SERVE FIFTEEN YEARS BEFORE BEING ELIGIBLE FOR RESIDENCY BY OUR WESTMINSTER STAFF RISHI SUNAK’S CONSCRIPTION bombshell has a booby-trap attached to it for all those considering coming to the UK without permission: they will be first to be conscripted and they will have to serve fifteen years in the military before…

KYIV “THINGS CHANGE, LIFE moves on, strategy always has a sell-by date. Last year it was a strategic triumph. Hell, a blade of grass was a strategic triumph then. Now, it’s not that important. IT’S THE NARRATIVE, STUPID!” The NATO colonel who spoke these words was killed doing a promotional video from the edge of…

BY OUR MARKET GARDEN TEAM WHEN A LETTUCE OUTLASTED former UK Prime Minister Liz Truss, a secret Downing Street team faced with a large number of sitting MPs saying they would not stand in the next election, decided that it would recruit the vegetables to stand as candidates in their stead. Except the vegetables refused…

OBITUARY SIR ANTHONY O’REILLY (1936-2024): BANKRUPT!

BY OUR GESTURE POLITICS CORRESPONDENT, KEVIN STREET The following is a statement from the IRA: “DEAR SIMON HARRIS, better late than never. We used to consider you a sniveling little West Brit desperate for anything to distract from your Government’s abject failures, but your recognition of the State of Palestine has gained our respect. As…

FROM OUR CORRESPONDENT ROBERT MAXWELL ISRAEL’S RUTHLESS INTELLIGENCE service, Mossad, insists that a recent interest in the travel habits of Irish Prime Minister Simon Harris, is merely a concern for the Taoiseach’s safety after his recognition of a Palestinian state, and nothing more. “Support Hamas’s aims, support Hamas,” said an intelligence officer. “Support Hamas, support…

WESTMINSTER THE COINCIDENCE OF calls for the resignation of Sir Jeffrey Donaldson from the Westminster Parliament, and the sudden announcement of a UK General Election by Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, is just that, according to the Tory spin doctor who says he arranged for Sunak to make his election announcement in the rain to show…