BELFAST “I’M NOT SURE Jeffrey could actually afford her. He certainly couldn’t afford the media circus she would bring with her.” A FIRM SUPPORTER of embattled former DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson insists that international superstar celebrity lawyer Amal Clooney will not be appearing for the Unionist Knight of the Realm on his court date in…

BY OUR GOVERNMENT HYPOCRISY STAFF CLAIMS THAT THE size of Anthony Albanese’s and Chris Bowen’s heads made it impossible for them to ride safely in the same luxury jet have been denied by an Australian Government spokesman. “Cabinet heads are measured before every flight, I can assure you,” said the spokesman. “We don’t take chances.…

BELFAST “THERE IS A PROBLEM with weight among the volunteers, it would appear, and there is no point in denying it.” “Neil O’P“, a pseudonym used by a senior New IRA figure, is printed at the bottom of this short admission released to the Kookaburra Bugle on Easter Monday. For quite some time now, experts…

CANBERRA IT MIGHT HAVE looked like a masterclass in rank hypocrisy, a terrific waste of tax-paper money and two fingers to any notion of a carbon footprint, but Australian Government sources have assured the public that the use of two private jets, by PM Albanese and Minister Chris Bowen – that’s one each – to…

WASHINGTON THE NAME IS WALES, HARRY WALES, DOUBLE 0 AND LICENSED TO KILL. IT HAS ALL the hallmarks of a James Bond plot. The independently wealthy attractive Englishman beset by demons; the beautiful girl with narrow acting ability with whom he becomes involved; the sundry exotic settings; and a central casting villain with numerous ridiculously…

MOSCOW AS THE KOOKABURRA BUGLE rapidly extends its readership across the globe, we have received our first interest from Russia. As staunch believers in free speech and a free press, we are delighted to see that Russia appears to agree with us. Could it be that strongman leader Vladimir Putin is reading the Kookaburra Bugle,…

BELFAST IT TOOK CIVIL servants in Northern Ireland by surprise when their websites were crashed by a sudden rush to volunteer for jury duty by people they would never have suspected had such dedication. “We were overwhelmed by a tide of Catholics – you know from the addresses – suddenly desperate to do jury service,”…

BELFAST WORLD CYNICISM EXPERT Nicky McVelly has told the Kookaburra Bugle that he believes the DUP should recall Iris Robinson to its ranks, to deflect the attention that the allegations against Jeffrey Donaldson will bring to the party in the coming months. Iris Robinson, who is married to one-time DUP supremo Peter Robinson, brought the…

FROM WOKE, ACT “FOR FAR TOO long male aggression has corrupted our armed forces, it’s time for a change.” These are the words said to lead off a new Australian Federal Government White Paper on the culture of the Australian Defence Force. The leaked document is purported to be a call for a complete overhaul…

BY JAMES SAVILE-SODYM, OUR BRITISH GOVERNMENT BRIGHT IDEAS CORRESPONDENT THE OLD H-BLOCKS, scene of so many dramas during the Troubles in Northern Ireland, may have a new lease of life if a British Government proposal to reopen the prison to house sex offenders comes to fruition. The prison, long closed, is situated on an old…