DUBLIN, EIRE MID-ULSTER DISTRICT COUNCIL said thanks, but no thanks. Apparently, its walls are already reserved for pictures of hunger strikers, 1916 martyrs, Gaelic Football stars and Liam Neeson action stills. No room for a portrait of King Charles III of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and (parts of) Northern Ireland, even if it…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A BRITISH CHALLENGER II main battle tank, which was sent to spearhead last year’s Ukrainian counter-offensive, has appeared on the now infamous Epstein List of the celebrated and the famous who flew too close to the convicted sex-offender’s orbit than they might subsequently have wished. The 69-tonne war monster has not been heard…

BY R. HEYDRICC, IN JERUSALEM “GOD MAY NOT be willing to help this time. The children of Israel may have to look elsewhere for assistance in this one. In darker places.” Jerusalem Professor Melchezidek Maccabbee sat drinking strong Turkish coffee, and playing backgammon with himself, as he spoke. Between moves he drew on a small…

BEIT HANOUN COMMENTATORS ARE BEGINNING to remark on the developing similarity between the current Israeli offensive in Gaza and the Battle of Stalingrad during World War Two. “Yes, the optics are remarkably familiar to those who have studied the German advance towards the Volga in 1942, and the current Israeli push into Gaza,” says Ulrich…

FROM A.R SELICKER, LONDON THE CIVIL LIST, which pays members of Britain’s Royal Family and sundry hangers on millions of pounds from public funds, is now rumored to have a major newspaper on its payroll. The Daily Mail, whose almost continuous coverage of the Royals in a golden heavenly light has caused some people to…

NUREMBERG, GERMANY ONE HUNDRED AND twenty years after its publication, the Jewish plan for world domination, which saw them drag humanity into two disastrous world wars, has failed miserably, according to someone who admits he was instrumental in its implementation. “Yes, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, our blueprint for world hegemony, is in…

BY A.R SECRACK, DEFENCE WRITER AN OFFICE CHRISTMAS party prank has led to the accidental release of a top secret Australian plan to defeat any potential Chinese invasion of the dry continent with salt water crocodiles, kangaroos and venomous snakes. “It appears that a mid-level civil servant with access to the plan got drunk at…

FROM MOSCOW UNTIL 1991, THE Soviet Union’s KGB kept detailed records of British Army personnel who served in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, because they needed to know the disposition of British forces all the time in case of conflict with NATO. When the Cold War ended, it was believed that such spying was redundant.…

THE FRENCH CONNECTION, CANBERRA “YES, BRUCE LEHRMANN says he went back to Parliament on the night in question to deal with thoughts about French submarines; and Brittany Higgins and that new man of hers have recently moved to France. But I don’t think people should read any more into all that than an interest in…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY THE RUSSIANS CALL him Ded Moroz, which translates as Grandpa Frost, or Old Man Frost, or Father Frost. He is their equivalent of Santa Claus. Except he comes on New Years Eve. Yes, the Russians have always been awkward. Anyway, to look at, Grandpa Frost is a dead ringer for Santa Claus and…