SCIENCE DESK WOMEN WHO CONSTANTLY look at their rear ends in the mirror may be on to something, says Dr Verity Frekcles a body image specialist who has studied the subject for the past forty years. “Women’s bottoms reached optimum size around the 1950s and early 1960s,” she insists. “Then the mini-skirt changed everything. Before…

MARINE MYSTERIES DESK THE SHIP THAT keeps on sinking may have sunk because vast amounts of water got inside her. This is the controversial new theory of marine archaeologist Ulcerous Fin, whose great grandfather was captain of one of the ships that failed to come to the doomed liner’s rescue on the night it went…

FROM HISTORY EDITOR PROFESSOR H.E. RODOTUS IT’S THE DEAL that, for a hundred years, dared not speak its price. Kept a dark secret until now, the Kookaburra Bugle can reveal that in December 1921, Irish independence hero Michael Collins personally agreed with David Lloyd George, in a short paragraph, signed by both men, that the…

BY PIERRE EICHMANN, GOOD DEATH CORRESPONDENT CANADA’S PLANS TO extend assisted dying legislation to encompass those who suffer from mental illness have received a boost with news that the entire Nazi Program for killing the mentally ill is available to copy. “That saves us so much time and effort,” said an assisted dying advocate. “All…

FROM OUR SECRET FILES DESK THE HYPE AROUND Christopher Nolan’s new movie, Oppenheimer, which tells the story of the leader of the project to develop the first atomic bomb, J Robert Oppenheimer, has led the Secret Files Section of the FBI, known as X, to release new information which confirms that Oppenheimer was finally deprived…

BY OUR ANIMAL BEHAVIOR EDITOR, T.H.E HERD “IT’S MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD, probably as old as animal life itself,” insists biology professor Darwin Dawkey, “and the basic rhythm is essentially the same, a tortuous repetition that digs right into the male’s essence and reduces him to a quivering jelly, or, in some cases, drives him…

BY ADOLF PUTSCH, COUP-D’ETAT WRITER SMART LEGAL MINDS have urged former, and perhaps soon to be, President Donald Trump to argue that the American establishment’s support for the revolution which overthrew a democratically elected president in Ukraine in 2014, is proof that the actions of his own supporters at the US Capitol on 6 January…

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION DESK IT’S TAKEN OVER 18 months and some arm twisting but Washington has finally agreed to release its only Chuck Norris to Ukraine. “We have been begging them since Putin invaded,” said a Kyiv Government spokesman, “just let us have Chuck Norris and we can win this thing. I only hope…

SPACE TRAVEL WRITERS AND SATELLITE SERVICES IT APPEARS THAT Voyager I, the furthest man-made object from Earth, if you discount people kidnapped by aliens, may have detected something amazing in a galaxy far far away during its period of interstellar isolation. The hardy probe, which has been ploughing through space since the 1970s, is said…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY “THE WAR HAS moved to a new battlefield – internet brides are a huge industry in that part of the world. Forget wheat, the biggest export is, and always has been, pretty girls with huge breasts.” Dating website guru Igor Trotski is no stranger to conflict. He arranged marriages between eastern European women…