JERUSALEM AN ISLAMIC FUNDAMENTALIST think tank has called for the Australian Government to tighten controls on Jewish festivals, to prevent more shootings like that at Bondi Beach. “These Jewish celebrations are clearly provoking emotions among fundamentalist Muslims, and should be severely restricted,” explained Abu Wrech of Treblinka International, a Hamas-linked Islamic Martyrdom Institute . “If…

MOSCOW HIS NAME IS Boris. And he was never Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. No, he was much more powerful. He was a KGB officer, tasked with infiltrating NATO countries using illegal Soviet agents during the Cold War. “My job was to facilitate our illegals. Their job was to obtain secrets and compromise NATO…

SYDNEY ROUND UP THE usual firearms, the Australian Prime Minister has ordered his security forces, following the slaughter of fifteen Jews at Bondi Beach, outlining a buyback scheme to counter the scourge of extremist guns. “Clearly it’s an extremist firearms issue,” said a Government supporter, “and Anthony Albanese is grabbing this scourge by the trigger.…

WASHINGTON, DC SANTA CLAUS HAS applied to the United States for his annual temporary work visa amid rumors that his entry method – for however brief a period – might see him refused. “This guy does not enter the United States by port or airport or customs post, he just flies in, tosses around God…

CANBERRA AS THE AUSTRALIAN Government indicates that it will seek to tighten gun laws after the massacre at Bondi, observers are asking why the country’s gun laws have suddenly become an issue only after the shooting? “This is your typical knee-jerk, vacuous response from an empty regime which just wants to distract from its own…

DUBLIN RECENT SUGGESTIONS THAT Russia might one day seize Shannon Airport have been met with the revelation that the Irish Defence Forces have a supremely cunning plan to deal with such an eventuality: they will strip the airport’s Duty Free shopping of everything but vodka and rely on that to at least slow any Russian…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY RUSSIAN DIPLOMATS COULD hardly speak, they were laughing so hard when confronted by Democratic Unionist Party leader Gavin Robinson’s statement that the reason Belfast and Fivemiletown (yes, Fivemiletown) in Tyrone, were on Russia’s UK target list was that they were protected by the strong shield of Britain’s military capability. “He is – how…

SYDNEY ALL ONE HUNDRED thousand plus demonstrators who marched across the Sydney Harbour bridge, in August, to protest against Israel’s attack on Hamas in Gaza, and show support for Palestine, may well find themselves on a terrorist watch list following the Bondi Beach massacre, says an expert. “If the killers went on that march or…

CANBERRA IN THE WAKE of the massacre of 15 Jews at Bondi Beach yesterday, the Australian Government is to substantially increase its legendary Platitude Fund, which finances the hollow phrases and cant that Government leaders use when dealing with matters they have done little or nothing to confront. “Albo and the Labor boys and girls…

FIVEMILETOWN, CO TYRONE SUPPORTERS OF RUSSIAN hardman Vladimir Putin have made it clear that if Belfast and Fivemiletown, Co Tyrone, wish to be removed from his nuclear target list, they should depart the United Kingdom and join their neutral neighbours in the Republic of Ireland. “That’s the price you pay for making uniforms for the…