WASHINGTON DC A CONTROVERSIAL NEW US Department of Government Efficiency report is said to have come to the conclusion that the biggest waste of American Federal spending is the Presidency and the Congress. The new department, set up by Donald Trump and headed by Elon Musk, reportedly entered data into an Artificial Intelligence quantum computer…

OUR LYRICS EDITOR, COLE PEWTER DONALD TRUMP’S DESIRE to rename the Gulf of Mexico, the Gulf of America, has run into its first significant hurdle – the new name would destroy the lyrics of a song celebrating a famous victory over the British at the time of the War of 1812. “Yes, the lyrics of…

LOS ANGELES VIDEO OF ACTRESS Selena Gomez weeping for potential targets of Donald Trump’s illegal immigrant deportation plan, has caused a scientist to suggest that such tears of sympathy, if harnessed, could be used to augment California’s precarious water supply. Dr Alfred Croc, a researcher at the Vlad The Impaler Corporation, a right-wing think tank,…

WASHINGTON DC “HE SURE KNOWS how to piss people off, but that’s where we come in!” The remarks of a Mexican people smuggler who says he will have to quadruple his workforce just to get tariff-free avocados into the United States. Other products may see him having to increase it ten-fold. “Signor The Donald, he…

DUBLIN WITH TENS OF thousands of homes still without electricity after storm Eowyn, and no ability to heat houses due to lack of a fireplaces, newly shunned by green policies, the Irish Government will now hand out free windmills to families in the west of the country, where the damage has been worst. The windmills,…

FROM OUR SIXTIES ICONS OBITUARIES EDITOR, CHARLIE MICKNKEEF MARIANNE FAITHFUL, THE original wild child, the woman who wrote the book on Sixties hedonism, who dated Jagger, became a pop icon and was famously found covered only in a rug and allegedly holding a Mars Bar during the legendary Rolling Stones Redlands drug bust in 1967,…

EL PASO SO EXTRAVAGANT HAS Ireland’s Office of Public Works (OPW) become, that Irish people are now putting in tenders for its building projects rather than buying lottery tickets, and even the richest nation on earth cannot afford its services. “When an offer of help came from Ireland, I’m told The Donald’s eyes nearly fell…

DUBLIN FIFTEEN MINISTERS, FOUR super-junior minister and twenty three junior ministers, that’s what it now takes to govern the REPUBLIC OF IRELAND, population 5.26 million. There are 174 members of the Irish Parliament’s lower house, the Dail. The main governing parties, Fianna Fail and Fine Gael, have 48 and 38 seats respectively, and they will…

OUR MIGRANT DESK AMERICAN PRESIDENT DONALD “The Donald” Trump’s promise to deport millions of illegal migrants has run into a fascinating snag, according to a new report: he’s going to need to bring in millions of migrant workers to help perform the task. “The numbers don’t lie,” says Aldous Wart-Dupe III, of The Sums Corporation,…

DUBLIN FRESHLY APPOINTED IRISH Prime Minister Micheal Martin, and his deputy, Simon Harris, are facing a flurry of questions about their relationship from people all over the world who witnessed their press conference outside the Irish Parliament following an initial failure by the pair to have Mr Martin formally appointed as his country’s leader. “The…