FROM OUR JINGO EDITOR A RECENT REPORT, that former George W. Bush Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice believes that the War on Terror has been been broadly won, has been followed by confirmation that a tasteful monument to mark the triumph is now being considered. “We’re thinking of a statue – maybe in depressing lead…

FROM LONDON SAFE-HOUSE REPORTER, LY ING LOWE AMID THE TRIUMPHANT CHEERS at his recapture after a daring prison break, senior British security officials have revealed to the Kookaburra Bugle that the UK’s most wanted man was perhaps 24-hours away from having himself deported to Iran as an illegal immigrant. “He was on the next flight…

SICILY A NEW INTELLIGENT assassin drone may further change the nature of warfare, it is claimed. The Terminator, as it’s nicknamed, was originally developed by the Sicilian Mafia and its sister organisation, the Calabrian N’Drangheta, to target specific individuals. “It’s tiny,” says Oliver Juice, a technology consultant to organised crime, who is now in the…

FROM OUR VOICE TO PARLIAMENT EDITOR IN OUTBACK SYDNEY THE ALBANESE GOVERNMENT is planning to re-brand its Voice to Parliament Referendum (“the Voice”) as The Vibe, in order to counter large-scale confusion among the Australian public that the whole business is actually a popular television talent show. “Some polls say a third of Australians think…

BY DAILY MAIL MONITOR “WELL, HE’S BEEN wrong so often, he might be wrong here. That’s what we all fear.” Horst Von Der Ofew, a German EU official, says the Union is terrified that Johnson’s capacity for “screwing things up” may well work against it, and its worst nightmare – Britain rejoining – come to…

FROM FLORIDA AND NEW YORK A FRESH POLL of American voters suggests that every time Donald Trump has been charged, his support has risen by a million votes. Dr Ron Gallopers, of Jockeying Polling, says that the relationship between his criminal charges and his potential share of the Presidential vote has been remarkable. “You can…

BY REINHARD HEYDRICH-CHURCHILL A LEADING British historian claims that Ireland’s embrace of vigorous free-market capitalism and low-tax neo-colonial industry, means that a majority of its people now accept that the logic of the British reaction to the Great Famine in the 1840s – callous, genocidal, free-market capitalism, was correct. Professor Hubert Humptydum, Extraordinary Plenipotentiary in…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY IS QUEEN ELIZABETH II alive and living in the Canaries? The British monarch, who was believed to have died a year ago, was allegedly spotted by holidaymakers queuing in the EU line at Lanzarote Airport. “It was definitely her,” said Debbie from Essex, who describes herself as a royal fanatic. “She had the…

BY OUR HUBRIS CORRESPONDENT, JACK SHIT “YOU’D THINK that when the Challenger Space Shuttle blew up on take-off in 1986, that the Brits might have reconsidered the name of its main battle tank when it was being upgraded in the 1990s.” Contrarian strategic analyst Colonel Walter Kurtz, who has been scorned by orthodox commentators for…

POLITICAL DESK IRISH TAOISEACH* LEO Varadkar’s sudden belief in the inevitability of a United Ireland has sent shockwaves around Dublin, and the Irish Parliament based in Leinster House. Mr Varadkar, who until recently had always seemed to be less than enthusiastic about the prospect of a United Ireland, revealed his current thoughts on RTE** radio.…