FROM OUR VOICE TO PARLIAMENT EDITOR IN OUTBACK SYDNEY THE ALBANESE GOVERNMENT is planning to re-brand its Voice to Parliament Referendum (“the Voice”) as The Vibe, in order to counter large-scale confusion among the Australian public that the whole business is actually a popular television talent show. “Some polls say a third of Australians think…

BY DAILY MAIL MONITOR “WELL, HE’S BEEN wrong so often, he might be wrong here. That’s what we all fear.” Horst Von Der Ofew, a German EU official, says the Union is terrified that Johnson’s capacity for “screwing things up” may well work against it, and its worst nightmare – Britain rejoining – come to…

FROM FLORIDA AND NEW YORK A FRESH POLL of American voters suggests that every time Donald Trump has been charged, his support has risen by a million votes. Dr Ron Gallopers, of Jockeying Polling, says that the relationship between his criminal charges and his potential share of the Presidential vote has been remarkable. “You can…

BY REINHARD HEYDRICH-CHURCHILL A LEADING British historian claims that Ireland’s embrace of vigorous free-market capitalism and low-tax neo-colonial industry, means that a majority of its people now accept that the logic of the British reaction to the Great Famine in the 1840s – callous, genocidal, free-market capitalism, was correct. Professor Hubert Humptydum, Extraordinary Plenipotentiary in…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY IS QUEEN ELIZABETH II alive and living in the Canaries? The British monarch, who was believed to have died a year ago, was allegedly spotted by holidaymakers queuing in the EU line at Lanzarote Airport. “It was definitely her,” said Debbie from Essex, who describes herself as a royal fanatic. “She had the…

BY OUR HUBRIS CORRESPONDENT, JACK SHIT “YOU’D THINK that when the Challenger Space Shuttle blew up on take-off in 1986, that the Brits might have reconsidered the name of its main battle tank when it was being upgraded in the 1990s.” Contrarian strategic analyst Colonel Walter Kurtz, who has been scorned by orthodox commentators for…

POLITICAL DESK IRISH TAOISEACH* LEO Varadkar’s sudden belief in the inevitability of a United Ireland has sent shockwaves around Dublin, and the Irish Parliament based in Leinster House. Mr Varadkar, who until recently had always seemed to be less than enthusiastic about the prospect of a United Ireland, revealed his current thoughts on RTE** radio.…

FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE EDITORS LOOK BACK 10,000 YEARS. Who can you name? What towns still survive? Cities? Countries? Peoples? Tribes? Now look forward the same distance. Who will remember you? Maybe you and your times and your beliefs and your achievements are not so important. If at all.

FROM OUR CALIFORNIA DREAMING CORRESPONDENT “IT MIGHT EVEN improve the place. It could hardly make it much worse. At least we could start all over again with a clean sheet. That would be an improvement.” Veteran San Francisco resident Sally, aged 103, smiles slightly as she contemplates a nuclear strike on the city she has…

BY CRIME REPORTER WILLIAM KIDD IN MADRID THE VERY LIGHT suspended sentence given to convicted Irish criminal John Gilligan in Spain has started tongues wagging that he may have become a grass. Gilligan, who served 17 years for drugs offences in Ireland, and was acquitted of involvement in the killing of Dublin journalist Veronica Guerin,…