FROM OUR EQUINE EDITOR HOMER PIGGOTT THE SHEER VOLUME of illegal migrants making their way across the English Channel from camps in France, has caused some in Britain to wonder if they are not the forward element of a fresh French invasion of the United Kingdom. “They have previous for this,” insists Reg Reg of…

WINDSOR, ENGLAND HE’S ALREADY AN honorary knight of the realm in the UK, a living saint in the world of charity – and he once sang about not liking Mondays – so would becoming President of Ireland be a step up, or a step down for former Boomtown Rats front man Bob Geldof? The rumor…

CANBERRA A RIGHTEOUS HATRED of all things salami caused Iranian sponsored attackers to set fire to a Jewish-owned delicatessen, and a synagogue, in Melbourne and Sydney, say Hamas supporters in the land down under. “Salami is the Great Satan’s meat, it is the oppressor’s staple,” said Kylie from Ballindingdong, whose Palestinian support network, Samah, raises…

MOSCOW IN WHAT SEEMS a reversal of Machiavelli and Sun Tzu, US President Donald Trump told anyone who would listen of his cunning plan to untie Russia from the orbit of China, and now the Russians are finally admitting that they heard him as well and know all about it. A Kremlin statement reads: “Yes,…

KYIV “RUSSIAN MOVEMENTS MAY be slow, but at least they are in the right direction,” says Dr Richard Tamerlane of the Jutland Corporation, a strategic think tank devoted to humiliating failures in military technology. “It’s probably time for Ukraine to lay down a barrage of insults against the Russians, if only to cover the less…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A PAPER IN The Scientific Dolphin, an alternative online research journal, suggests that human teenagers may be the remnants of our interbreeding with Neanderthals. And it’s all to do with sleeping habits. Neanderthals are thought to have survived freezing cold winters during ice ages, by virtually hibernating through the worst months. This habit…

CORLEONE PUT AWAY YOUR horses’ heads, tech firm Nvidia has agreed to a Trump demand of a 15% cut to the US Government for the right to sell security-sensitive AI chips to China. In a bizarre turn of events, the US President has actually charged a major US technology firm for the right to sell…

GAZA PALESTINIAN MILITANT GROUP Hamas is to name one of its massacre and kidnap brigades after its new hero Anthony Albanese. The Albanese Martyrs Brigade will continue to be devoted to slaughter and kidnapping, and perhaps throwing the occasional homosexual off whatever roof still remains in Gaza. But it will also operate in co-operation with…

GAZA HAMAS FIGHTERS HAVE nicknamed Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, Albo of Gaza, in a reference to cinematic leading man Lawrence of Arabia, after the Aussie leader announced recognition of a Palestinian state. “Albo U Akbar,” they cried before disappearing into a tunnel in Gaza City. Hamas has been on the back foot for some…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A UNITED NATIONS official has told the Kookaburra Bugle that the criminals of Washington DC could be declared a persecuted minority following Donald Trump’s decision to send in the National Guard to deal with crime in the American capital. “This could be seen as a genocide if he takes it further,” said the…