SAINT-PIERRE ET MIQUELON A LEADING LAWYER says that prior to Brexit, those lands still maintaining the British monarchy as their head of state, may well have been ghost members of the European Union, whose status could have been elevated to full membership at any time which entitles them to be considered for this should they…

WHITE HOUSE REPORTERS “GOD, HOW LOW can you get? And Danish pastries are not even Danish, they’re Australian … or is it Austrian? Something like that.” These are the words of a White House intern when he heard the news that Denmark might stop sales its bacon and salami to the United States, and Danish…

SRI LANKA AN EMINENT HISTORIAN whose history of British India runs to fifty five volumes, says that societies which hand their security over to foreigners eventually end up being conquered by those foreigners. “Indian princes allowed the British East India Company’s forces into their lands and politics, where the BEIC played one off against another…

COPENHAGAN ALTHOUGH GREENLAND IS, by virtue of its being a Danish overseas territory, closely associated with the European Union (it actually left in the 1980s), plans are afoot in Brussels for the Union itself to offer to purchase Greenland from Denmark, to provide Donald Trump with something more than a failed socialist kelptocracy to defeat,…

MANHATTAN DONALD TRUMP MAY offer to pay Denmark for Greenland with beads, cloth and trinkets, according to White House sources. “Look, the President’s a New Yorker, and New Yorkers are all familiar with the story of how Manhattan was purchased by the Dutch,” said a spokesman. “So he kinda feels that he shouldn’t pay much…

NEW YORK SITTING IN HIS Manhattan cell, Nicolas Maduro has a target on his back. And somewhere out there is an assassin trying to hit it. “Like that character, Anton Chigur, in Cormac McCarthy’s No Country For Old Men,” says DEA Agent, Doug. “They’ll send a real son of a bitch for this guy. Or…

SAN FRANCISCO DRUG ADDICTS ACROSS the United States say they have noticed a spike in street prices of cocaine since the abduction of Nicola Maduro at the weekend. “It’s had an effect,” said Hunter, who did not want to give his surname. “I guess there’s been some hoarding in anticipation of various supply routes being…

LANGLEY, VIRGINIA CIA SOURCES HAVE told the Kookaburra Bugle that agents disguised as nerdy left-wing students, delivered a large wooden horse to Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro’s private compound in the weeks before his arrest. “It was marked ‘Not To Be Opened Till 6th of January’,” the agency explained. “We called it Delta and it came…

BEIJING TO THOSE WHO insist that Donald Trump’s seizure of Nicolas Maduro and his wife was illegal, the US President’s supporters say that they are guided by the precedent of China’s attempt to stop the British trafficking opium into the Middle Kingdom during the 19th Century. “The Chinese lost to the 19th Century British narco-state,”…

COPENHAGEN DANISH INTELLIGENCE SOURCES say that the United States already has a plan to “kidnap” Greenland’s leading polar bear, and that President Trump will decide on the issue once he has watched a few more David Attenborough documentaries. “Trump likes to do his research, and he adores animal programs” said a Danish intelligence officer, who…