OUR SOOTHSAYER EDITOR A WORLD FAMOUS soothsayer is warning President Donald Trump to beware the *Ides of March. “Pride often comes before a fall, Mr President,” says Mary Vestal, who is well known for her sports predictions and weather forecasts. And the Ides of March have come but not yet gone.” *15th March

WASHINGTON THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION has used up so much of its reserves of hubris during the first two weeks of its war with Iran, that it is in grave danger of running out before the war comes to a close, according to a secret report. “We didn’t plan for the sheer amount of hubris the…

OUTBACK FOLLOWING ON REPORTS that the Australian Government is planning to release its windmill reserve to cope with fossil fuel shortages caused by the current Iran War, ultra green advocates across the country are calling on Energy Minister Chris Bowen to use this moment to drop fossil fuel use completely and prove to the nation…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY AMERICAN LISTENING POSTS along the Persian Gulf have been picking up broadcasts of Elton John’s I’m Still Standing coming from Iran, while people along the coasts of the eastern side of the Arabian Peninsula confirm that the same song is actually coming from loudspeakers on the Iranian side of the Gulf. “They have…

CANBERRA SOURCES DEEP WITHIN the Australian Government have told the Kookaburra Bugle that the Labor administration will fill the energy gap left by the Middle East War, by handing out windmills to every household in the country. “These windmills are kept at a secret location,” said a ministerial adviser. “We call it Bowen’s Arrow after…

TEHRAN IRANIAN PLANS TO attack sites in California have been put on hold after it was pointed out to the leaders of the Islamic Republic, that the American state is in such a wretched mess, that genuine targets would be hard to find. “Many of the streets of Los Angeles and San Francisco actually look…

PLYMOUTH, ENGLAND THE SIGHT OF French and Spanish ships headed to protect the British military base on Cyprus in the Eastern Mediterranean, while the Royal Navy struggles to put to sea, has caused shock waves in the corridors of power in London and led to speculation that old enemies may well be asked to look…

FROM U.R. KARMA IN THE PERSIAN GULF EX-PAT EXILES now fleeing Dubai to return to their homelands are likely to be met by the tax man when they touch down, as various western revenue services prepare to survey them for potential unpaid tax. “This forced repatriation could see some people hit for huge back tax…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY AMID THE BOMBS and missiles of the Middle East, news of the arrest of Britney Spears in California has caused shock and awe around the world, forcing gold to a temporary spike and the US dollar into free fall for a minute or two. “Ms Spears, whose private life is, admittedly, almost as…

TEHRAN PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP’S desire to have a role in choosing a new Iranian leader may see him being obliged to convert to Islam and become a learned mullah, as Iranian leaders are chosen by an Assembly of Experts comprised of learned Islamic clerics. “He would have to attend a Madrasa for about three to…