CANBERRA AS IT STRUGGLES to play catch-up with the oil crisis resulting from the Iran War, the Australian Government may be able to meet any fertilizer crisis that runs parallel to the fuel problems, by relying on its own bullshit, according to scientists. “While they have utterly failed to provide for the oil debacle that…

GYNECOLOGY WRITERS SUCH IS THE onslaught on Iran’s leadership by the United States and Israel, that Islamic fighters fear Heaven will run out of virgins for the martyrs being sent there. Islamic martyrs are said to receive 72 virgins when they arrive in Paradise, according to Muslim tradition. “They are usually of the best quality,”…

LONDON FORMER SINN FEIN President Gerry Adams has shocked a London court by implying that deceased comedian Benny Hill was a member of the Irish Republican Army. From the witness box, where he is the subject of a personal injury action, Adams replied to a suggestion that his wearing a black beret at the funeral…

WIRE SERVICES A FRESH INTELLIGENCE report outlining conversations among several European and other leaders suggests that the reason they are unwilling to join Donald Trump in keeping the Straits of Hormuz open for oil traffic, is the deployment by Iran of a new missile system, code-named Scardycat. “The system operates on the mind rather than…

HORMUZ CORRESPONDENT, OLLIE TANKER “WHEN EVERYONE IS finished giving Donald Trump the good kicking they’ve always wanted to, they might want to reconsider his desperate pleas for help in keeping the Straits of Hormuz open to shipping, if not for the sake of America then for their own sakes. Because this could get really ugly,…

TEHRAN NEWS THAT AYATOLLAH Mojtaba Khamenei escaped the explosion that killed his father, his wife, his children, his brother-in-law and others when he decided to step outside for a walk in his garden, only seconds before an Israeli missile hit his family home, is causing Iranians to raise an eyebrow or two and speculate whether…

TEHRAN THE NUMBERS TELL it all. If Iran can raise about a million troops immediately, and many more once a foreign army has entered its territory, should the United States wish to launch a full invasion, it would require at least 3 million soldiers, on a ratio of three attackers to one defender; and 2.5…

UNITED ARAB EMIRATES IRAN SAYS IT is only attacking the United Arab Emirates in order to wipe out the Irish Kinahan Drug Cartel, and has called on countries who wish to destroy the drugs trade to join them. “The Kinahan Cartel is one of the worst in existence, and it has based itself in the…

NEW YORK THE UNITED STATES has ordered one hundred and seventy five million *burkas from China, in preparation for the possibility that Donald Trump loses his war against Iran, according to a Pentagon source. “Yeah, we had to go to the Chinese because the price of fuel here means that we can’t justify the cost…

WASHINGTON, DC WANTED – COUNTRIES TO put warships, sailors, soldiers, and citizens into war they don’t want, as Donald Trump calls on British, French, Chinese – anyone – to join his war with Iran and help keep the Straits of Hormuz open. “Mr Trump appears to treat war like some kind of game,” says commentator…