PARIS A GERMAN HISTORIAN says he has discovered the real reason German tanks halted outside Dunkirk in May 1940, providing British troops streaming towards the town’s beaches in their tens of thousands with an opportunity to escape: a clever French officer in the area had all the traffic lights switched to red. “We all know…

PERTH WESTERN AUSTRALIANS ARE trembling tonight after Australia’s Prime Minister pledged that their state’s Goods and Services Tax deal with the Federal Government in Canberra would not changed while he is in office. The deal, which provides a floor on the state’s share of GST, meaning it cannot receive less than 75 cents for every…

PERSIAN GULF AS THE WAR with Iran drags on, and American aircraft carriers and other vessels are forced to remain on post off the Arabian Peninsula and the Islamic Republic, dwindling supplies, particularly of food and water, may see US sailors having to eat one another and drink fresh water drawn from their own urine…

HOLLYWOOD PUBLISHERS OF THE life story of former Cambridge Professor Jason Arday could find themselves upended by a huge Hollywood blockbuster based on the life of the British university’s youngest black professor. “The studios are contemplating throwing money at this story,” says Stockwell Devour, a movie marketing expert. “The provisional title is ‘The Ardayssey‘, and…

LITIGATION DESK FORGET SCARY defamation letters, Cambridge University may now be facing its own legal problems, should all, or any, of its students, whose academic careers may have been affected by exposure to now resigned Professor Jason Arday, decide to explore their redress rights. “This could potentially cost Cambridge University a lot of money, if…

CAMBRIDGE A LEADING ARTIFICIAL Intelligence expert says that such is the back peddling by woke supporters of former Cambridge university professor Jason Arday, that, were it all connected to the power grid in the UK, enough electricity to run at least one data centre could be created. “Professor Arday’s recent unfortunate difficulties with reality have…

FROM OUR EXOPLANETS EDITOR GALILEO NEWTON SCIENTISTS LEAPING FOR joy at the discovery of a planet so like our own that it is said to be warming at an alarming rate, have revealed that the latest Earth clone also appears to have continents and countries like ours, and even its own England, complete with a…

ROME THE ROMAN EMPIRE suffered a marked decline in humour in the two centuries before its western half fell apart, according to new research. “Normally, historians and archaeologists focus on wars, economics and pottery when studying this subject, but we have decided to examine the absence of humour, wherever we can detect it,” says Dr…

NUREMBERG A WOKE VERSION of Adolf Hitler’s bestseller, Mein Kampf, might be available by Christmas, says a publisher who believes that the vicious tract could be made suitable for modern reading. “The main reason we could do it now is the current rise in anti-semitism around the world, which means that many of Hitler’s sentiments…

TROY AN ANCIENT POET, who claimed Helen of Troy was an adulterous slut, wound up being blinded for his troubles. Stesichorus, a master of Greek Lyric verse, is said to have blamed her adultery for the Trojan War in one of his works Helen, who, unfortunately for him, was part-god, is said to have blinded…