BY CRAIG CARSON CRAIG, EAST BELFAST REPORTER THE NEWS THAT Sinn Fein leader Michelle O’Neill is to attend the coronation of King Charles in London has caused thousands of hard-line Unionist voters in Northern Ireland to rethink their own loyalties. “The DUP has done more damage to the Union in recent years than three hundred…

FROM F. DZERZHINSKY, MOSCOW “THE MINUTE the London Daily Mail begins to publish stories about Ukrainian positions, concentrations and attack plans, we know the deception activities have begun.” So says a source inside Russian Military Intelligence. “It’s a given. You could set your watch by it. British Intelligence dusts off the old World War Two…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A BELORUSSIAN WIFE is facing charges after apparently nagging her husband to death. Maria (83) (last name withheld to protect juvenile family members) is said to have asked first her husband Fedor (85) to clean the gutters around their house in Minsk in 1973. He said he would but failed to do so.…

BY EAMONN MACANTIRNONOGFADOFADO, FORMER IRA BOMBER AND FREELANCE SOCIAL DIARIST IF JACK HIGGINS OR FREDERICK FORSYTH HAD WRITTEN IT ,YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT. But the IRA may be sending a small unit to London for the coronation of King Charles, to protect His Majesty and Charles’ honoured guest, Sinn Fein Vice President Michelle O’Neill. “It’ll…

BY FIN DE MONATTACHE, BREXIT REPORTER IT WAS A BITTER BREAK-UP; and one would think irreconcilable. However, secret European Union documents, obtained by the Kookaburra Bugle in Brussels, appear to contemplate a way back for the United Kingdom into the political and trading bloc. “Shocking, peut etre,” says Alphonse Gustav Ignacio Paco Helmut Von Der…

“YOU’VE GOTTA GIVE IT TO THEM, THEY SEEM TO KNOW HOW TO KEEP ORDER,” SAYS LAW AND ORDER ADVOCATE BY VARIOUS BEIJING WIRE SERVICES THE RECENT HULLABALOO about secret Chinese police stations operating in Australia, and other countries, has taken an unexpected turn. Fresh figures on crime show that in the areas the Chinese established…

SOUTH AMERICAN NEWS SERVICE A GERMAN DIPLOMAT’S call for a single European Army has received support from the Amazonian jungle. Hauptsturmfuhrer Martin Schicklgruber, now 103, and living at the Fourth Reich Guesthouse somewhere in Brazil, says he has supported a single European army all his life. “We were on the way to building one in…

OUR SCIENCE EDITOR EVER THOUGHT your good advice to your teenager was going to waste? It is. “The teenage brain sees everything it does not agree with as an act of aggression,” says Professor Albert Adult, an expert in adolescent behavior. “It cannot differentiate between good and bad advice and it is incapable of responding…

4.4 MILLION AUSTRALIANS (18%) ARE NOW DISABLED; N.D.I.S. SUPPORTS OVER 500,000; CANBERRA CONCERNED (SORT OF) IT’S THE NATIONAL CRISIS that dare not speak its name*: The extraordinary number of Australians who have fallen victim to disability since the roll-out of the National Disability Insurance Scheme. If the figures are correct, nearly one in five of…

BY OUR TOXIC MASCULINITY EDITOR, BITTE TWISTED MASCULINE SHAME, the latest battlefield in the ongoing culture wars, has a new champion: God! The Big G, The Most High, The Lord Omnipotent, has been recruited to the fight on behalf of shamed men. And quotes from the Bible are giving men back their dignity. “More and…