FORMER PRESIDENT WAS PLAYING GOLF WHEN ARREST AND COURT APPEARANCE SHOWN, SAY SUPPORTERS WIRE SERVICES “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN,” they chanted in their thousands, at a secret red state location, a huge photograph of Donald Trump’s face carved into Mount Rushmore dominating the event. They were there following news of Donald Trump’s indictment. “It’s all…

EXCLUSIVE FROM HILLORI KLYNTUN IN NEW YORK BEHIND the scenes of Donald Trump’s indictment, the Bugle has learned that the former President’s hair and tan have been in private negotiations with prosecution lawyers for months. “These meetings have taken place in an Italian barber shop in Brooklyn, to avoid the public gaze,” says an on-the-lam…

BY P. BOULLE FUTURE PREDICTIONS REPORTER “IT’S INCONTROVERTIBLE, as more and more cretins have more and more children, and less and less high intellects have any children at all, the American population is doomed to a state of infantile stupidity by 2100.” So says Rupert Hardright, a professor of Eugenics at Online University The Idi…

“THE SUN IS MERELY BREAKING WIND,” SAYS EXPERT WIRE SERVICES AND STAFF REPORTERS STRANGE HOLES which have opened in the sun in recent days, and have caused observers to speculate that an alien civilization is living in the centre of our nearest star, are nothing but solar farts, says a NASA spokeswoman who wishes to…

FOREIGN DESK “IF BAKHMUT is going to fall to the Russians, then all the Ukrainians need to do is rename the city and then transfer the name Bakhmut somewhere else,” commented a US State Department official in Kyiv yesterday. “Result: Bakhmut has not fallen. And if the next town looks like falling, they do it…

BY EQUALITY EDITOR ANGELA WHYNE THE #METOO MOVEMENT has been condemned by a leading LGBTQIA+ advocacy group for being stuck in a “rigid male-female gender cage”. “It’s tragic,” says Helga Spike of FLUID, which champions non-binary gender issues. “#METOO is founded in a stale and backward male-female dynamic which does nothing to further the rights…

WASTE MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT PLANS TO reboot classic 1970s TV series “The Streets of San Francisco” have had to be shelved due to the thousands of shit piles which litter the eponymous streets. “These fucking turd islands all even have names,” says producer Max Tax. “You can go on city tours of the damn things. “Can…

SCIENCE DESK AN INTERNATIONAL committee established to inquire into declining birth rates across the world has reported that human beings are losing their looks. Thirty years of research across millions of individuals, using computers and facial recognition technology came to the conclusion that human females in particular are less glamorous than their ancestors. “Men have…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY THE fourteen Challenger tanks Britain is providing for the defence of Ukraine are to be collectively named “The Boys of 66” while the individual tanks will each be named for a member of the England World Cup winning squad of 1966. England beat West Germany 4-2 in extra time to take the trophy.…

Wire Services BREXITEERS ARE BLAMING huge traffic jams outside the English port of Dover on immigrants driving free cars they have received from the British Government to France, to sell at a profit. “They then come back to Britain, get another free car and do the same bloody thing,” claims Oswald Mosley of the extreme…